Review: Malice in Lalaland

What do you have in mind when you’re screwing ? Shitty porn music or classic rock’n’roll tunes coming straight from the desert ? As for me it would be option number 2, even though I make frequent Schubert breaks to catch my breath. And what about your ultimate porn ? Would it be a yacht full of pricks, cheap whores with enormous boobs & tacky yellow thongs getting fucked by bodybuilded freaks moaning to your face ? Not my thing, and not yours either, or you wouldn’t be here. What we like is the state of mind you’re in when you put your foot on the pedal, step on the gas while getting sucked with the radio blasting some Clutch. Aviator shades & bucket hat, Hunter S. Thompson style, taking a glance in the rear-view mirror before you shake off the cops. I have a bloody mary in my hand, please keep up the good work baby.

En road trip avec Sasha Grey.

And who better to sit in the passenger seat than Sasha Grey, the girl next door/ performer of the porn generation ? The one that has left us for Hollywood, 100% natural, 100% steady lay of the year. I’m only laying here the honest foundation to any decent porn, one of those you can watch with your girl, your female friends (as for your hairy mates, I suggest you text them a fake address for the screening, that’s how I do things, you see). A porn fitted for our digital wankers generation, freed from the useless dialogues, but with obvious references and immediate poise. This is precisely what the project Malice In Lalaland from the Belgian Lew Xypher (Miss Lucifer Productions) is about. A movie standing at the exact opposite of the mainstream porn and that could become the champion of its category. The pitch is simple : Malice (Sasha Grey) is locked up in a shabby hospital from which she escapes with the help of a dwarf rabbit, she is chased down by Jabbowski, acting on the nazi Dr. Queenie’s orders. She meets with characters from Alice In Wonderland and this hide-and-seek game in the desert is an excuse for various and well-targeted sex scenes. That was the boring part of my job, now let me tell you why it’s THAT good.

Polaroid and role playing, like we used to do

You probably thought porn is only here for you to wank to when you’re bored. Well, you can forget everything you’ve seen before, we’re here on 35mm with a stoner metal soundtrack (AGuardente, a belgian band) and the cool references are all over the place. Keni Styles plays Chester Catz, there’s a sex-driven Hunter S. Thompson lookalike sporting a cat mask and fur, a Slash double gets punched in the face by Sasha, and Ron Jeremy impersonates a strip bar manager, smoking hookah like Alice’s caterpillar. It would be a shame to watch it hastily scratching your balls, give the man some respect for his work. Go grab the DVD, sit down in front of your flat screen and give a call to some ladies. « Hey girl, I have an awesome movie to watch, tell your girlfriends to bring some beers, it’s Malice In Lalaland, yeah it’s with Sasha Grey, you know the chick from the American Apparel ad, yeah yeah she’s hot, it’s like a road trip, but with sex in it and some studs ». Bringing over girls to watch porn ain’t nothing more than a standard ruse from naughty boys, but you’d better play it smart. There was a golden age when watching some Andrew Blake could do the trick, but given the intensity of slow-motion, you ended up playing scrabble half the time.

Thanks to Malice in Lalaland, there is no more need to find excuses to start an orgy. All you need is a couch, a TV, a bowl of guacamole and some beers in the fridge and you’re all set, let the movie roll and as the sex scenes are short and awesome, let the fun begin. All I ask for is a 15% tax on this tip, in other words, send your girlfriends on hello@letagparfait.com, I would appreciate it, you will too, see, we’re just chilling, we good bro, aiight.

For any threesome, please leave me a message

Mmmm, sorry, got lost for a second. Anyway, I was babbling about how solid this movie is, well trust me on this one, it really is a blast in the pornosphere even though it’s been shaking for a few years now. The kleenex porn era is not even close to coming to an end, but some bold initiatives towards cool porn are shaping up lately : : Eon McKai, Popporn (family), Dirty Diaries, Alejandro Winterthur (Private), the chic porn shift at Dorcel (work in progress guys)… The fruit of those doing the labor out of pleasure and not by default. One day I swear we will buy some porn, and Malice In Lalaland could be the first one. The hipster bday gift, better than the random vibro, a laid-back porno, the one you can watch when you’ve already dowloaded all your favorite TV series.

Finish that, then you can get Kristina

Let me add something about Sasha Grey, I’ve often been talking trash about how her performer talents didn’t match with my own vision of sex, but in this movie, our friend shows off her true gift : being a good girl. I love you, less than Stoya obviously, but still a lot. Loads of kisses baby.

Originally translated from this post by Diane Lebel.

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