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Jizzmas: Jizzus Christ Returns

If you want to be famous on the Internet, a good bunch of options are offered to you. You don’t need any particular talent. You simply can give money to FaceBook to increase your social media audience, be lucky and show your boobs or genitals to get to the near-fame’s point. Overall, you need to know that with a little bit of determination, your three days of glory are at hand guys! Vine’s cute and nice shit are volatile and don’t last more than a day. Therefore, if you want your story to be a myth, something biblical, you need an action that will blow minds and gives you the ultimate 4Chan-Cred level.

What is better than something FAT, strong, useless, stupid, dirty and creepy to become a hard-stamped star in people’s mind? Yes, with a little bit of imagination, you could become a legend like Jizzus. For seven years now, he’s coming back every 26th of December for Jizzmass. It is a true tradition in Internet time’s scale!

cuvee 2013

2013 Batch

As you can guess it, this is not ordinary pineapple juice in these soda bottles. Jizzus is collecting his own semen and he amasses it in some bottles. He started to post on 4chan in 2007, becoming very quickly a demiurge among the /b/tards. A lot of talk are going on around his masturbation habits and some trolling rumors were saying he was dead. Jizzus can’t die! Furthermore, it appears that we don’t know anything about this guy, not even his civil name. All we know are these legendary bottle, sacred plastic relics with a little bit more than 10 liters of sperm collected now. It is the miraculous result of 10 years of  holy handjobs.

If we count an average of 3.5 ml of semen per ejaculation, it would take a little bit more than 3000 self-happy-endings to reach 10 liters. Indeed a daily task, nice dedication Jizzus!

Plus, love is in the air! Because this year it looks like our savior found a Mary Magdalene… Perhaps some team work will be done now!? Or, will it ring the bells of Jizzmas decline? Will Jizzus change his sperm in wine? We can’t wait the 26th of December 2014 to know the future of Jizzmas.

All hail to Internet!


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